Dude Broke His Foot

Last week I was walking near the corner of California and Battery streets when I witnessed a particularly remarkable injury transpire. If you've passed through this intersection before, you're well aware of the sharp drop-off between sidewalk and street.

My eyes were drawn to the opposite corner where a man stood, fully clad in loose-fitting business attire, looking very much out of his element and emitting a certain stench of arrogance. Everything he wore was way, way too big - starting bottom-up with his shoes that undoubtedly, at one point, belonged to an emo clown; pants that were stolen from the set of the "U Can't Touch This" music video; a suit coat fit for a mildly obese Ichabod Crane; a shirt collar with ample room for a couple gullets; and to top it all off, a poorly tied tie.

So the crosswalk sign turned white and everyone took cautious steps down onto the street. Except our hero. God knows (or, actually, probably hasn't the foggiest) what was going through this chap's head. He took his first step without much concern for, well, anything.

Yeah, and then he fell and broke his foot.

Have you ever walked or tip-toed through a dark, empty house? That's how he should've treated this situation. But no. This was more like a bull-in-a-china-shop thing, cast in broad daylight in front of hundreds of watchful Financial District lunch-goers who secretly hoped he would fall so that they would have something interesting to tell colleagues upon returning to their offices. Poor guy just spaced out at the most inopportune moment. He took a step forward that would have been perfect for a flat surface... except there was no flat surface.

That's when he plummeted. His foot might've broken his fall, but the fall sure as heck broke his foot - bending at some awkward-ass, painfully unnatural angle. This was all followed by an equally gut-wrenching moan, which in the hustle and bustle of the city can best be recounted as, "Noooaaahhhooowww! OW! OW! OW!"

Noah-OW is right, buddy! Good grief! Did you see that abyss you just jumped into? What were you thinking? We're talking a chasm-caliber rift here. Good lord! Even I felt the pain reverberating through the pavement! Are you right in the head, man?

Walk it off, junior. Back to work.