Please. Don't... Move

[rant]Really, don't. No big deal. I'll go around. No need to for you to pay attention or acknowledge someone other than yourself, so, so just walk right into me, k? There ya go. See that felt nice. That was sorta like a little hug without the embracing part. Thanks.

What in the eff, you stupid frigging people? I exist. So start acting like it.

It seems that now, more than ever, the average shmuck is a lowly individual with little or no courtesy, manners or sensibility. This is stuff that should've died out in the '50s for Christ's sake. We claim to have evolved and become uber-intellectuals, right? So what gives?

Here are a few simple tips to help you suck less:

1 a. When you walk on sidewalks in crowded cities, look up. Looking down at your shoes will cause you to, ready?, run into other people (me), which is considered rude. So if you are about to run into someone, don't.

1 b. When walking on sidewalks or in public places, please stay to the right. Last time I checked it's still how the traffic of anything and everything in America is organized. As much as you might hate conformity, please don't go against the grain.

2. Upon opening a door, look behind you to see if there is another life form who might need to use the same door. If it looks to be that way, hold the door for him/her. Getting bludgeoned with a door is no fun, especially when you're holding a hot beverage.

3. Before entering something that has sliding doors (i.e. elevators, subways, buses), let those in the contraption out before you go in. Shocking concept, I know, but this one in particular has spiraled out of control. No need to stampede and trample children. You'll get in, I promise.

4. If it's raining and you are carrying an umbrella, please be aware of its size. Umbrellas are freaking huge, and they increase the amount of space you take up on this earth. And they can poke, stab and hit people when you move too quickly or wander aimlessly.

5. If you are walking in a group (more than three people), you are probably taking up the entire sidewalk and, no, you are not the only ones who need to use it. Get organized, and stop bogarting space.[/rant]

1 comment:

casacaudill said...

you mean you DON'T like getting poked in the eye with an umbrella spike? on friday some lady's umbrella ripped my hair out. as she walked past - blissfully unaware that she'd just smacked me in the head - i could see clumps of my web, limp hair blowing in the wind.