You Can "Go Greek," I'm Going Home

(Just dug this one up from the college days.)

Advertisement 1: "Go Greek, Sparty Did!"

Advertisement 2: "Greeks: The Leaders of Tomorrow!"

I think we need a little more guilt put into these cheap recruitment slogans, please. There's nothing like peer pressure to get me to do something. Sparty went Greek this year? Oh he did, did he? Since when are people doing what Sparty does? I'm yet to see anyone walking around campus wearing steel-plated armor and skirts. Did you hear at U of M last week Wolverine announced he would be endorsing the "Go Mammal, Wolverine Did!" campaign? Yup. The entire student body's on his side.

Well, I guess since my own university's mascot went Greek then I should too. But does this mean I'll have to tote around one of those bulky canvas bags with strange letters sewn on it? How can I be a leader with such a great weight on my shoulder? And aren't we stealing the characters of a different culture? I've never even been to Greece, and would probably be lucky to identify it on a map. So what gives?

Is it safe to assume that Greek college students are as interested in American culture as we are in theirs? Could we go to Greece and expect to find students carrying around propaganda promoting the EAT or ZOMG house? I mean, what does that all really mean anyway? Don't you think we'd laugh at that? "Doug, look, that house over there has ABC on its roof in gigantic, blood-red letters. They must be, like, a spelling bee dynasty!"

But I, I guess this bag's kinda cute... ish. I just thought labeling was discouraged nowadays. Granted, we do need to differentiate ourselves from the non-Greek people. Is that part of our philanthropy? I thought it was, and that's sorta why I got into this thing. So...

Hmm...

Oh, I know! Perhaps they should give us staffs instead. Yeah! Or maybe scepters. Yes. Big, golden scepters with cool crystal balls fastened to their tops. And our trusty steeds will be unicorns. We'll bring them back, and we'll ride them around campus. I think that fits the leadership/visionary role a little better, you know, instead of a bag, or a hat, or sandals or something?

Actually, we could probably have hats - the tall, black fuzzy ones British Guards wear. And we could march too. People would genuinely want to know what we are up to. "Where the f*** are you guys going?!" they would ask. And that's when we could raise our phat scepters and reply: "To the future! We're leading you to the future!"

And then we could lead like we advertise ourselves to.