I Take My Yogurt Warm

New colleagues and old friends, gather 'round. Time to clarify something here. Those delightful Yoplait Lights you see sitting on my desk are deliberately left out for hours on end, usually until the end of the day when they are just ripe enough for human consumption. It seems over the years I have come to like yogurt a considerable amount, but this comes with large, abnormal caveats: it must be of room temperature, and it must be either the Very Cherry or Very Vanilla flavors of Yoplait's flagship fleet of Light yogurt. No exceptions, please.

All of you think this is gross, I know. I am yet to meet a single person who will entertain the idea of eating warm yogurt. Most of you warn of diseases and contamination, of spoiling and bacteria, but I am still here, somewhat healthy, after years of taking this stuff down at lukewarm levels. Truly, I find yogurt most appetizing when it can barely stay on or in a spoon by itself.

You see, yogurt needs a lot of tender-loving care at this volatile viscosity, and you should use caution when enjoying it so warm. Be forewarned: for some reason (physics?), when opening the container at said temps, yogurt likes to burp. In the fraction of a second it takes to crack the foil seal, a little bit of warm yogurt spittle will inevitably come flying out toward you. Now, there are a couple things you can do here to combat the burp. You can:

A) Insert a napkin between you and the Yoplait

B) Point the Yoplait away from you

C) Weather the burp head-on, in hopes that it might not happen this time

Whichever you choose, please enjoy your yogurt (warm). I know I'll be!